I’m a Woman, I’m a Phoenix, I’m a Motherfucking Beast.

“Why are you putting this out there for everyone?” a concerned loved one asked.

“I want to let others like me know that they are not alone and there is a life after rape.” I tried to keep an even tone.

“You know your daughters are going to grow up and be able to read all this?” She pressed.

I’ve given this much thought, I’d like this to be a communique to all who have lived with this painful secret that was made to be a secret. 

The shame has left me, the constraints within which I was forced to live within has disappeared into the fibers of these pages. I am writing about it because I am no longer a slave to the construct of life that tells me I am to be in hiding for shame. The shame has left. I am no longer in hiding. I am no longer the scared little girl spat on and tormented into leaving my body for the lust and yearning of that validation of strangers that killed the me that used to be. That little girl is gone. That little girl died the day I stepped into the constraints of shame in dearth of comprehension. 

I am a woman, I am a Phoenix, I am a motherfucking beast in this life that I own. I am making a choice to own this woman that is me. The woman I had wanted to be all those years. These pages they bind and weave and they solder my strands of strength I could not find all those years my mind crushed my power into dust. These pages will cloak my daughters.

I am not in hiding because I have no fault nor flaw in the violation and pillaging of my body that was celebrated by all who dealt me the sin and dereliction. I am not in hiding because I was raped. I was violated.

My daughters will be cloaked in the power of these pages that will show them a mother that crawled out of the pits losing every bit of my nails ground to the bone, from scraping my way out. My daughters will be bathed in the power of a mother that lives each day to be the woman they can look up to. The light will shine on my daughters to own their space in this world and recognize their power, discerning of their actions and the violations against them. They will be in my power.

My daughters will cower never for the vice of monsters. My daughters will summon the powers that be to grab their sense of self and never allow undeserving strangers to steal that power. 

My daughters will grow up and read these pages that will be a woven cape in their supremacy. They will be women, they will be Phoenixes, they will be motherfucking beasts and all the other beautiful powerful mighty manifestations of their choosing.